Finally
by nygirl26
Summary: PostLMR futurefic. Fourshot. Each chapter is the pov of a different character. Please read and review!
1. Meredith

Author's Note: Okay, so I've been writing for years, but this is the first time I've ever posted something. So, review- pretty, pretty, please. And be gentle...but honest. Obviously I own none of the actual Grey's characters, I only own Ava. This is a one-shot, but there are three other one-shot's related to this, if people want them.

Finally

She is not Meredith Grey anymore. In fact, she hasn't been for just over three years. Professionally she has chosen to hyphenate her new and old last names, while in her personal life she chooses to simply bear her husband's surname. Husband. It had been a foreign word to her for so long, especially with her own father leaving so many years ago, that she couldn't believe how comfortable it was now. It seemed to slip easily off her tongue, as a lot of words that used to give her trouble now did. Married, surgeon, wife, mother. All titles that used to trouble her, titles that now defined her. Yes, she is a surgeon, a realization of a dream. She is also a wife and mother, a realization of her biggest fears. But though she has only been a wife for three years, and a mother for only eighteen months, neither frightens her any longer. She is good at this, she thinks, finally. She is finally good at living life, not just prolonging or ending it. She has finally learned to live, and make mistakes, and move on. To be happy. She has learned not to fear plans of any kind, to allow herself to see a future. She is not Meredith Grey anymore. She is Dr. Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey, attending. She is the mother of Avery Eleanor, fondly known as Ava. She is the wife of Dr. Finn Dandridge, fondly known as McVet. She is the equal of Drs. Derek and Addison Shepherd.

Every day she passes both in the halls, sometimes assisting both in cases. She offers a nod of recognition, a cordial smile. Things will never stop being tense, but every time she waves at one of them and the light catches her engagement and wedding bands, she smiles to herself, proud and thankful that for once she made the right decision. For once she didn't run away from something wonderful and terrifying. Something scary and damaged. Looking up from the charts she was studying, a man and a girl caught her eye, coming through the main entrance.

"Hi", she spoke softly, an enormous smile gracing her face. She leaned in for a kiss, only to be interrupted by the little girl in her arms who cheerily chirped, "Hi Mama." The words warmed Meredith's heart in a way she never knew possible. On the nights Meredith worked, Finn often stopped by, allowing mother and daughter to spend a few moments together and giving him some time with his wife as well.

"Dr. Dandridge", a voice called, breaking the moment as both Finn and Meredith turned. It was Derek, stopping by to say hello to the two. After a few years it had ceased to amaze Meredith that Derek could be near to her, could be watching her, and she would have no clue, no feeling for it. If not for the heads up from Izzie, Cristina (Yang in the hospital, Burke outside of it, thank you very much), and George, and the occasional icy glare from Addison, Meredith would never know.

"How are you doing, Finn?" Derek asked politely, reaching to shake his former vet's hand.

"Can't complain", Finn responded cheerfully. It had taken much time and convincing to get Finn to believe that there were no longer any feelings between the two, on Meredith's part anyway. Finn no longer worried now, and could chat easily with his once upon a time rival.

"And how's Ava?" he asked, smiling at the little girl, a carbon copy of Meredith, but with Finn's soft, caring eyes.

Finn looked down at his daughter sweetly, "Tell Dr. Shepherd you're good, baby girl."

"I good", the little girl repeated shyly, her eyes focused downward.

"How's Addison doing?" came Finn's response, and both Dandridges pretended not to notice the disconcerting mix of discontent and disinterest that flashed in Derek's eyes.

"She's fine" he said unconvincingly. "She's fine."

"That's good", Finn smiled kindly. "I hate to run off, but I really have to get her home. I just wanted to stop by quickly and let Ava see her Mommy."

"it was good to see you, Finn", Derek answered, shaking the veterinarian's hand once again. "Bye, Ava", he smiled. The little girl waved in response. Derek walked off leaving the couple alone and happy once again.

"I don't want you to go", Meredith pouted at her husband.

"No pout, Mama", Ava scolded her, causing Finn to laugh.

"Yeah, no pout, Mama", Finn repeated. "I don't want to go either Mer, but I really have to get Ava home and put her to b-e-d."

"I know", Meredith sighed. "I just miss you." Meredith felt more than lucky sometimes. The fact that she had someone to miss, two people to miss, waiting for her when she got home everyday, good and bad, was beyond her. She would never know what she did to deserve this, but she refused to question it.

"Aw, Meredith, I miss you too. I promise, I'll be waiting up for you when you get home."

"Seriously?", she teased good-naturedly, knowing that her husband could never quite manage to wait up.

"Seriously", he proclaimed with confidence. "And if I'm not, I seriously want you to wake me up."

"I will", Meredith replied with a smile, "I love you." The words were easy now, now that no guilt or desperation was attached.

"I love you too", came Finn's equally easy reply. The two leaned in for a short but passionate kiss before Meredith lifted the baby into her arms.

"I love you baby girl" she said softly, hugging Ava to her tightly and kissing the girl lightly on the head.

"Love Mama", was Ava's response. The little girl's words touched Meredith as always.

Stealing one final kiss from his wife, Finn and Ava waved goodbye and left Seattle Grace.

Meredith Grey no longer existed. Meredith Grey was lonely and bitter, scary and damaged, and extinct. Meredith Dandridge was loved and confident. She was happy. Things weren't perfect for Meredith. Her mother was still alive, but would never comprehend the existence of her son-in-law and granddaughter. She had never reconciled with her father, though Finn brought it up every so often and Meredith did sometimes consider it. And though she knew how lucky she was to have a husband who had a flexible enough schedule to work and watch their daughter simultaneously, her long hours did, on many occassions, make her ache for Finn and Avery. But Meredith Dandridge could not complain. She had more than she could have hoped for. This is what she thought as she walked through the halls of the hospital. This is what brought a smile to her face as she passed by Derek Shepherd without a glance. She had everything. _Finally._ +


	2. Addison

Author's Note: Disclaimer is same as the first. I own nothing but my undying devotion to the show. I won't even pretend to have dignity, I'll beg. Please, please, please review- and as always, nothing too harsh, but please be honest. There are two more one-shots, and none of them are in chronological order. There are identifying statements in each one-shot so that an overall the chronology is established. I hope it's not too confusing, I just thought it would be interesting to jump back and forth between different pov's at different points in time. So, I hope you all enjoy!

Finally 

Addison Montgomery-Shepherd would never claim to be the world's greatest wife. Yes, she cheated on her husband. Repeatedly. But hell, if they were pointing fingers, so did he. She could never completely reconcile with the fact that he began a serious relationship with Meredith while they were still married. She especially couldn't reconcile with the fact that his interest in her had yet to fade. Addison would admit to possessing more than her fair share of unsavory characteristics. She could be bitchy, she could be bossy, Smug, nasty, stubborn. The list kept going, and for the most part she was unapologetic about her faults. But one thing she wasn't, was stupid. Derek and Meredith had sex the night of the prom. This much was clear to her without words. What also became clear to her the night of prom, was that Meredith Grey was in love. And it wasn't with her husband. Yes, for the first time in a long time, something was going Addison Shepherd's way.

Bailey's interns, a tight knit and exclusive group grew to include Finn and Callie, and pretty soon Finn became a fixture at Seattle Grace. Not in a pathetic, Meredith's lapdog way, but he seemed to drop off and pick up Meredith everyday, and he was often present at lunch with the group. Addison hoped this would aid in solving their problems, but to her dismay Derek seemed more focused on Meredith than ever. He watched her like a hawk, looking for any sign of distress, any sign that she wasn't happy. No sign came. Meredith seemed to glow now, and Addison could almost understand. She had only seen a whiny, moping, broken hearted Meredith. Nothing about her seemed particularly irresistible. But a happy Meredith…this, she could see the appeal to. This Meredith smiled a lot, she laughed more, and she was kinder to those around her. This Meredith was beautiful.

Addison sometimes wondered if she had ever been Meredith to Derek. A beautiful young woman who could save him from himself. She hoped that she had. As the months and then years went by, Derek seemed to accept Meredith and Finn's relationship more. Until the relationship changed. There was a fight. From what Addison had overheard, harsh words were exchanged between the two and Meredith had moved back into the house she once shared with Izzie and George. Finn was no longer a familiar presence at Seattle Grace, and Meredith no longer smiled. And no one was more aware of the current situation then Derek. His eyes held a renewed sense of life, of spirit. The thrill of the chase was back in him.

Addison had immediately gone on the defense. She glared at Meredith in passing, clung to Derek's side, accompanied him in the halls ,(and especially in the elevator), as often as possible. It quickly became apparent though, to her and Derek, that Meredith was still in love with Finn. The brightness had left her, and she seemed even more lost than after Addison's arrival at Seattle Grace. After a few weeks, things seemed to clear up between Finn and Meredith, who seemed cautiously happy once again. By years end the two were back on track. During these few months Addison examined her own relationship. It was clear to her that Derek didn't love her, not the way he used to. And the independent, feminist Addison of the past would love nothing more than to come kick the crap out of her weepy, future self. But it was also clear to Addison that she did love Derek. For some reason, Derek Shepherd had been the only boy in her heart, from the first day she met him, as a twenty-two year old, fresh-faced med student. She had lost sight of this love, briefly, but it never left her heart.

A new year began, and Addison's hope grew. Derek looked at her again. One morning, getting ready for work in the cramped little trailer, Derek had had to reach around her in the "bathroom". His eyes met hers in the mirror and he actually looked into them, and smiled, for the first time in a long time. It was such a small thing, she knew it was ridiculous to be so excited. She felt like a new mother marking off momentous occasions in a baby book- baby focuses on an object, baby's first smile. Still, if nothing else, it had to be a step in the right direction. And so that day, after they arrived at Seattle Grace and she saw Derek make eye contact with Meredith, she didn't let it bother her as much. She was at least getting back on even ground.

On days that Derek looked at her she went out of her way to touch him, casually, making it seem like an accident. After the first few attempts Derek began to respond. Small as it was, it was another shift in the right direction for their relationship, and Addison was grateful for it. On days when he did not look at her she left him alone. Instead of trying to force contact on him, she decided to give him space, the only thing she hadn't ever really tried. She was either all over him, or all over his best friend. Now she was attempting to give him what he really wanted, for the first time, and it felt good. Yes, Addison was weak. But there was something that felt empowering to her, choosing to be weak. Choosing to be a woman, for a moment, and not a doctor.

Along with this change in herself, Addison decided to stop hating Meredith. Well, she would try anyway. For the first time in along time, Addison was looking inside of herself and her relationships. Meredith didn't create their problems, Meredith didn't really exacerbate their problems, and as far as she was concerned, Meredith was no longer their problem. Meredith had moved on, and though Addison continued to give her the cold shoulder, she knew Meredith was all but oblivious to their current situation. The problems the couple faced now were of their own creation. Feelings that remained unspoken for too long. In truth, if it hadn't been Meredith, it would have been someone else. So on the mornings that Derek looked at her, Addison looked at Meredith. At first the looks, even though they were accompanied by a smile, seemed to unnerve the younger woman. Eventually though, Meredith began to smile back, and sometimes was even the first to attempt eye contact. It was a cordial relationship at best, and it was probably as close as the two would ever be, but it too was the start of a new Addison.

Their marriage would never be perfect, it would never even be what it once was. This, Addison could admit. And as much as it hurt, her husband would never completely get over Meredith Grey, this she could admit as well. But looking at the enormous smile that overwhelmed Meredith's delicate face, and the enormous ring that overwhelmed Meredith's delicate hand, she had hope that maybe they could be happy again. This could be the first real chance to start over. _Finally_.


	3. Derek

Author's Note: I won't bore you to much, the disclaimer's same as the first two.

Thank you all so much for the reviews, they mean a lot...so please keep doing it!

Enjoy!

Finally

He watches her all the time. It's one of the only things that has not changed since he arrived in Seattle, all those years ago. He watches her talk to Izzie, to George, to Cristina, still her three best friends. He watches her interact with Burke, another close friend of hers, now that he and Cristina are married, and Alex who, he heard through the hospital gossip, is now living with Izzie. He watches her take care of patients. She is so confident now, of her knowledge and her skill. She is poised to become a surgeon on the same level as her mother.

He watches her even when he wishes he could look away. He watches her with her daughter, now two and a half. He watches her smile at her husband, kiss Finn the way she used to kiss him. He watches her rub her stomach gently, talk to the baby that will be born in just over a month. Unlike Ellis Grey, Meredith has found a way to balance a trying career with a demanding home life.

He watches her watch Addison. The two never developed a friendship, it would have been impossible. But Meredith and Addison did seem to share a mutual respect. So he watched Meredith watch Addison, professional admiration in her eyes. And though he didn't get to do it often, sometimes he watched Meredith watch him. It was the most painful observation of all. He had to be quick, sneaking glances ever so briefly when she seemed to be lost in thought. What he saw broke him a little more each time he looked. She watched him as if she were observing a stranger. Someone she had known once, long ago. Which, he guessed, was the truth of their relationship now. The only Meredith he really knew was the one from years ago, a wild mess, self absorbed and self destructive. He didn't really know the Meredith who got off of a long shift as a top surgeon only to return home and care for a husband and child. And she only really knew the cocky, carefree Derek. She didn't know the inner workings of the Derek who doubted his every move. She didn't know the fearful Derek who struggled with the fact that somewhere along the way he had fallen out of love with his wife, and in love with another man's.

Although maybe Meredith knew him better than he thought, because in her gaze, mixed in with the sense that she had once known him better than anyone, was pity. Pity for the man he is, compared to who he once was. In all honesty, the man he never was. McDreamy was everything he wished he could be. Impulsive, forceful, confident to the point of arrogance, charming to the point of sordidness. The real Derek Shepherd was a small man. Unable to make decisions, unable to take responsibility for failure. That was the Derek that Meredith saw now when she looked at him. Eventually, after everything that happened, he had been knocked from his pedestal.

Derek looked up abruptly now, only to find himself eye to eye with a flustered Meredith. She smiled kindly at him, too kindly, and nodded before walking to catch up with Izzie. The taller girl said something to her pregnant companion, probably about her current physical appearance, that caused Meredith to burst into laughter. Derek sighed and turned away, For a second he wished that he had been with this Meredith, but he knew it would never have worked. He needed to be the together one, or he would never be happy, a big part of his problems with Addison. No, this Meredith deserved Finn. She deserved someone who was secure, who was happy.

If he only he could hate Finn for taking Meredith away, or Meredith for choosing Finn, he thinks he could maybe move on. But he can find no hate in his heart for Finn (How can you hate someone for being man enough to do what you couldn't? For beating you to the punch?) or Meredith (How can you hate someone you love?), only himself. He acknowledges the fact that even if he hated the picture perfect Dandridges, he still wouldn't be able to move on. Instead of being consumed by love, he would be consumed by hate. Either way Derek ended up with nothing left.

He watched Meredith's daughter sometimes. She was in Seattle Grace on a regular basis, and could usually be found tagging after an amused Izzie, a charmed George, and a mock annoyed Cristina. He watched the little girl with the dirty blond hair, the same shade and half straight, half wavy style as her mother. The girl with the inquisitive and caring, electric blue eyes, identical to her father's. He watches this perfect melding of two people and wonders why he never wanted that with Addison. Even when he loved her, he was never compelled to have children with her, to see his eyes and her nose on a little person. So why, in the few months they were together, did Derek imagine children with Meredith? He never quite could figure it out.

He knows he must let go, but it's more than just Meredith that he's letting go of. He's got to let go of who she was, of who he was with her. He must let go of Addison's infidelity, or he must let go of his wife once and for all. He's got to let go of the pictures he keeps of Meredith and the memories of her he's held onto. And he has got to let go of watching her.

He is Derek Shepherd, nationally recognized brain surgeon. He is Derek Shepherd, next in line to be chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital. He is Derek Shepherd, the husband of lovely and talented Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. But he is not McDreamy. And he is not Finn Dandridge. And he thinks that perhaps it is time to admit that he is not happy, and to go about changing that fact. _Finally. _


End file.
